What if I hate the way my spouse kisses?

First of all, only tell your partner you don't like the way he kisses as a last resort. Guys don't like to look like failures and he'll never want to improve if he feels he's no good. Also, he's either not aware he's a bad kisser or he doesn't care. If he doesn't care, you've got to get him to care. Let him know how important it is for you.

A lot of men just kiss because they consider it something they have to do in order to get sex. But, in order to be a great kisser, he needs to kiss like that's all he'll get to do and sex isn't even an option. If he's kissing like it's the destination instead of a stop along the way, he'll perform better.

This is because men are goal oriented and women are process oriented. His goal is to have sex and the quicker he accomplishes his goal the more manly he feels. She, on the other hand, needs to enjoy the sexual process and kissing is a major part of the process. Kissing, stroking, caressing, cuddling, and even talking, are all part of the process of sex for women.

Second, he's more likely to try something new if you make it seem like your playing a game. For example, tonight is Hollywood Kisses night. Nothing but slow, passionate kisses. Tomorrow may be Superhero Kisses The Heroine night, etc. This will get him consciously thinking about his kisses while trying something different at the same time. He may not have given kissing much thought before.

Something else you might try is asking him what kind of kisses HE likes. The idea is to get him talking about it in a non-accusatory way. Then you can guide the conversation back to the way you'd like to be kissed. When you're watching a movie you might say, "Wow! I'd like to try that." Then try it and give each other feedback.

You could also say that you saw a kissing expert on TV who said that experimenting with different kisses is a fun way to change foreplay and get out of a rut, especially after years of being together.

Definitely let him know when he's kissing more to your liking by sending him signals like moaning, getting more excited, etc.

Finally, if all else fails, you may need to have that uncomfortable talk with him. Try to be as specific as possible so he understands exactly what you like. Remind him that you love him and that making some changes will help both of you enjoy your passionate moments more.

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I just went on a date. He's a really nice guy. Good looking. Athletic. Treated me well. Was sweet. Kissed fairly well (although could use a little improvement). All that jazz, you know. And he's very interested in me. I'm that girl that "there's something about." I hear that a lot. He didn't say it in those exact words but those were his sentiments, I know. I'm a great catch, this is no surprise to me at this point in my life, and I tend to find these great guys that are incredibly attracted to me on both physical and mental levels. However, the one little problem is that the "it" factor wasn't there. That pop just wasn't there, as great of a time that I had. And yet, I find that that factor is easy for me to find in nice, attractive, intelligent men who find me intriguing, interesting, and still find that "something about me" but have no interest in a relationship in an even remotely near future. So, my question is this, what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I pop for the guys that pop for me? Why do I pop for the ones that pop for me but are still nice guys? I don't even have a chance to have a guy break up with me because all the guys that want to date me, I don't want to date, and all those that I might consider dating don't want to technically date me. I'll admit that I'm not looking for anyone right now, and I've set my expectation bar MUCH higher after my last boyfriend, but I still enjoy dating because, let's be honest, how else am I going to find "the one" if I don't see who's out there. But it kind of scares me that I'm going to pass him up because of something stupid, like he laughs too much or too high pitched, that bugs me enough for there to be no pop and just a friendship. I'm hoping that someday I'll meet my match, but in the meantime, why can't I pop?

I’ve listed six points below that may help you get a handle on your issue:
1) You can't force the "pop." The ‘pop’ either happens or it doesn’t. You know better than anyone if it does, and if it doesn’t, move on.

2) NEVER settle for anyone if you know it's not "right."

3) You say you're not looking right now yet you're looking for somebody...which is it?

4) If you're "not looking" you will be sending that unconscious vibe out there so you will get "no commitment" in return. Like attracts like on an energetic level and your "not looking" vibes will attract similar "no commitment" vibes.

5) I don't believe in dating for the sake of dating (unless you're clear with him and not leading him on). If you're not looking, be okay with that and rent a movie instead. Let him go out with someone he has a chance to end up dating, someone who IS looking. Go on a date only when you're READY to go out on a date.

6) Finally, it sounds like a fear of commitment. It's one thing to have high standards (and you should) but it's another to find fault in seemingly trivial details like laughing too much (unless it's an insecure laugh/laughing to hide his discomfort in certain situations or to cover up social ineptitude). Finding these faults will keep you from committing to him...it lets you off the hook. Ask yourself, A) Do I want a great relationship?, B) Can I have a great relationship?, C) Do I deserve a great relationship? If you HONESTLY answer "no" to any of these you're not ready to be in a relationship. These are 3 core beliefs you must have in order to fully commit to a partner. You've created an unconscious Catch 22 that keeps you "safe" from commitment ("safe" meaning if you don't commit then he will never find out that you're really not worthy of him or a relationship...this is an unconscious insecurity). The Catch 22 is "I have to find the perfect partner/the one who meets all my standards" and the catch is that "the perfect partner doesn't exist." It's approach/avoidance. I want you, but go away. You're not doing it consciously but it keeps you from your biggest fear...commitment. Fear of commitment may stem from low or damaged self-worth or maybe you're still pining for an ex. There are myriad reasons but the results are always the same. This is also the reason guys you want don't want you. By chasing after men who don't want you, it keeps you "safe" because they'll never commit to you. Sometimes this happens to women whose fathers left them (physically or emotionally) as a child. Some event(s) where the little girl unconsciously thinks, "If I just love him more, he'll come back. If I just become the perfect girl, then he'll love me." She ends up chasing after Daddy's love never to capture it. This gets generalized to her adult relationships where she chases after men she can't have. She wants the men she can't have and shuns the men that want her. Do some introspection, ask yourself if any of the above makes sense to you or describes how you feel. Answer the questions in my book, If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? Be truthful and honest and you’ll benefit from the work in the long run.

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I can’t find a guy who’ll commit to me. My best friend, who’s a guy, says I dress too slutty and that’s why. I say I dress fun. He says all they want is sex from me. I don’t think that’s true. How I dress shouldn’t matter. How can I get a guy to commit to me?

What you advertise is what you’ll attract. Studies have found men who look at women in “slutty” clothing will approach her with only sex in mind. If the woman is dressed more conservatively, not necessarily like a librarian but dressed nicely, the man will approach with the potential of a relationship in mind. No man wants to date long-term a woman who is perceived as being quick and easy to the sack. He may enjoy the sex for a few weeks, but ultimately he’ll bail on you for someone who doesn’t “give it away” as readily. It’s double standard and it’s not fair, I know. But it’s the way men are, nevertheless. Before going out ask yourself, “Do I look like a girl he would be proud to take home to meet Mom?” If the answer is yes, then go out. If the answer is no, change what you’re wearing.

As far as getting him to commit, men usually commit 2-4 years after getting out of school. It doesn’t matter whether it’s high school, college or post-graduate study, he wants to get a job, make some money for a change and play. Once that’s out of his system he’s marriage material.

I might ask one more thing. Where are you looking for a potential relationship? If you’re looking for a relationship at a rave party, bar, or nightclub you likely won’t find it. Statistically bars and nightclubs produce the fewest long-term relationships. Most guys who go to bars have one thing on their minds. This is true whether they’re 21 or 51 years old. Statistics don’t lie. If you want to date an athletic guy join athletic singles groups. If you want to date a biker dude go hang out where the bikers hang out. Screen your men better, dress appropriately, and look for your future husband in all the right places.

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My boyfriend and I have broken up and got back together three times in the last year. Each time we break up I really miss him but when we get back together I notice all the things I can’t stand about him. He’s immature even though he’s 23 years old. He’s a slob and he flirts with other women all the time. We’re together again now but I don’t know how much longer it will last. How can I make this relationship work? How can I get him to stay with me for good?

Why would you want to stay with him? Obviously you’re only staying together because you’re feeding each other’s insecurities. Ask yourself, “What’s so great about him that I wouldn’t find with someone else?” Some people get into these love/hate relationships where they love him when he’s gone but hate him when he’s home. It’s time you dump him for good and move on. Because of your insecurities you’re afraid you won’t find someone else. Trust me, there’s plenty of other guys out there for you and plenty who aren’t immature slobs who flirt with other women. He doesn’t get it and he’s not going to if he’s
with you. Only time and experience can help him. Cut your losses. Dump him and move on.

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My girlfriend and I broke up four months ago. I was fine with it but now I really want her back. I haven’t been with anyone else since we broke-up but she’s already dating someone else. How can I get her back?

It sounds like your jealous and your ego is a bit bruised. You were fine with the break-up until you found out she was dating someone already. My advice to you is remind yourself every day of the things you didn’t like about her.There is a reason you were okay with the break-up. Think about all the things that drove you nuts when you were with her and all the things that made it okay to break-up to begin with. Answer the following questions:

1. Why am I better off without her?
2. Why is she better off without me?
3. Why are we better off apart?

When we date someone we tend to focus on the things that annoy us. After we break-up we tend to focus on the endearing qualities. Yet both were there the entire time you were dating. Take your ego out of the equation and focus on why you were okay with ending the relationship. Finally, go find someone else to date. That’s the easiest way to take your mind off an ex.

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My husband and I have been having problems for a few years. We have two sons, 6 and 4. We fight a lot and both of us get annoyed by the tiniest things. We recently got pregnant again because we thought it might bring us closer together. What can we do to fix our relationship so we’re both happy again?

You’re having marital problems because your focus is on your kids more than on each other. You need to find a balance. Having another child is not going to solve any problems between the two of you. If anything it will make them worse. You’re having this baby with the expectation the child will solve your
marital problems. What happens when the child doesn’t solve your problems? Odds are you’ll take it out on the child as well as your spouse. The result is no one’s happy.

Do me a favor, set time aside for you and your husband. Plan romantic moments even if it’s after the kids have gone to bed. You remember when you fell in love with him and you made time for him no matter how busy you were? That rule still applies. Just because you’re married and living together doesn’t mean you stop doing what made you fall in love in the first place. If it’s possible let the grandparents take the kids for a night or for a weekend. Spend at least 15 to 30 minutes looking directly into each other’s eyes and tell each other what you love about each other; why you fell in love with each other. Focus on the love not the annoyances. Vent any work or family frustrations before your romantic time. Romantic time together should be all romance and no distractions or detractions.